The “perfect” parent myth
Let’s face it, we all want to be the perfect parent. The stereotypical mom that never loses her temper, who is always fun and spontaneous. The one who is always in control of the situation, looking perfect, putting the needs of her children before her and that never-ever needs a break. In reality, our lives look far distant from this fantasy. We got children to feed, a house to clean, full-time jobs and many different situations that push our patient to our limits on a daily bases.
But being totally honest its almost never ONE single thing that happens right before we lose our temper. Nope. It’s usually a combination of many different things/situations that happen during the day that gather and get us upset, but since nobody is rational when it`s angry, we blame the whole thing to the ONE action that our child did before we expected. Then after we vent, we feel guilty for overreacting. Sound familiar? You are not alone.
Whether you are parenting an autistic child, or your children just have a way of driving you nuts, most parents (almost all of us) struggle just like you do, which is why we want to share with you 5 helpful (and effective) tips to help you to stay calm when your child is not.
Tips to stay calm while your child is yelling
1.- Know your limits: We all have things that push our buttons and it’s our responsibility to identify them and communicate them with the people around us to establish boundaries. Explain your rules, the things that you expect and communicate those while you are calm. If you are parenting an ASD child create visual rules around the house to ensure that they will remember. For example; if your child is able to go to the bathroom himself add a visual schedule to remind him to wash his hands and brush his teeth behind the bathroom door so he can constantly see it. If you don’t want to do the visuals yourself you can find already make charts to help you out.
2.- Take a break: If you feel like you are about to lose it, take a 5-minute break. Take your time get out of the house and breath. As soon as you identify yourself on the limit remove yourself from the situation and take a deep breath. Once you are back to normal consider the situation with a cold head and ask yourself what is really bothering you, Is it just your child? Was he overwhelmed? Will punishing your child solves anything or its just an anger release for you? Take a moment and take these into consideration before acting out.
3.- Occupy yourself: Finding something productive to do can be an anger reliever and a great way to restore your sense of peace. Focusing on manual tasks like folding clothes, organizing a closet, or even doing the dishes can be a great way to have a sense of control in the midst of chaos. This kind of activities can help you recover your nerve and can be a great way to prevent you from exploring.
4.- Write a journal: Having a notebook or just a place to write down your feelings can be a great way for you to vent and feel relief. A gratitude list is also an incredible tool for you to focus on all the things that you are thankful for and that will keep you centered on the good things. Remember a shift in our focus can represent a huge change in our mood.
5.- Be vulnerable: Intimacy or as I like to think (in-to-me-see) is a powerful thing. Many times anger is not another thing than sadness and frustration miscommunicated. Find a safe place with friends and family and just be open with your emotions, and let go over the things that you can not control in your life. You will find out that most of the times as we let go, new energy and hope comes to strengthen us and enable to enjoy life with all that it comes. Remember, you are not alone!
At World Stem Cell Clinic, we believe that that having an informed parent –in an effort to empower him and his family– is the only way to for us to deliver optimal healthcare. Visit our website to find out more about our services and let us be part of your journey.